“When I am with you there’s no place I’d rather be…”
“Rather Be,” Clean Bandit, Featuring Jess Glynne
Whatever age you were, chances are there is at least one trip or experience that you remember as an eye and heart opener…a view (or “re-view”) of and into things other that expanded your horizon and opened up doors of possibility and even destiny. Yes, that one!
This summer, I drove from New Mexico with my kids – 12- year old Max and 7-year old Tess – on a road trip back east, to my home state of Connecticut, and beyond. Some might question taking an almost 2,400-mile (initial) car ride with kids that age…but I’d already tested it out, having driven on a 1,500-mile round trip to Mexico in April and then on an 800-mile return trip with them from California in June.
Whether it was the throaty vibration of my Mini Cooper Clubman S, or Tess’s ability to create a sort of cave-like space in the back, or Max’s newfound and much-enjoyed front seat experience, or a readiness to move, to go and discover and see – or all of the above! – the kids had been happy and engaged, so I felt good about the miles and hours we would cover. And, this time, we were on a mission to get there in 3 days, for my dad’s 85th birthday, so we had a clear goal and a potential time limit, if we chose to complete that mission.
We set out with some protectors hanging from the rearview mirror and lining our dash…figures to whom we would consciously appeal for assistance and grace over the next month. While we had a road atlas for Max to become familiar and comfortable with as my co-pilot and navigator, we also had “Gypsy,” our Mini GPS unit who was occasionally called upon to “recalculate” us back onto our chosen, sometimes haphazard path. (For some reason, it took us a fair number of miles to fully use and trust Gypsy…what this afforded was an opportunity for Max to calculate miles and routes, which he enjoyed. But once we trusted Gypsy, we were all in with her – an amazing road companion!)
The trip out was a heady experience of being in a travel vortex…at least for me, the one who drove 800 miles a day, an average of 12 hours a day, 3 days in a row. I kept checking in with the kids to see if this was the way they wanted to do it…to move rapidly through a changing landscape. “Yes,” was the enthusiastic and unanimous response! So we drove on, stopping for about an hour each day to eat something local and walk and lie on the ground at each particular place in which we found ourselves.
With much in between, we returned 27 days, 5,517 miles and 21 states later. When we got off the road back in Albuquerque, we were very noticeably vibrating, at what seemed to be a dizzying, other frequency. We got popsicles out of the freezer and went to my welcoming, sweetly overgrown backyard and lay down and grounded ourselves back into New Mexico.
Between the moment we left and our returning lie-down, here is some of what we learned, experienced and observed:
• We were blessed on our trip, wherever we went, by kind, loving souls who would inquire about our travels and send us on our way with words of protection and joy. The kids were somewhat amazed by this at first, but really grew to feel it and take it in. I believe they now know that those blessings are always with us and available to us.
• “Family” remains an interesting concept. Some choose to limit theirs to blood relatives…but not us. For us, “family” are those with whom we resonate and bond, blood relative or not…those with whom our heart opens and laughter and/or tears tumble out as we enjoy and embrace each other and ourselves. (I think the kids are really with me on this, but they’ll have the opportunity to choose over their lifetimes.) We are blessed to have both rich blood family and a magical extended family, a few of whom we chose to and were able to connect with during our travels…and we are the richer for that reconnecting!
• Place is a powerful thing. Returning to some places I had spent time in, in a different chapter of my life, surprisingly overwhelmed me. In Williamsburg, VA, for instance, where I attended law school, the act of returning brought me to tears…the essence of which I still don’t fully understand but can take a crack at as being borne from a mix of joy of rediscovery and a form of sadness or even grief over loss of connection…with others as well as with my “self” from an earlier time, who harbored such immense feelings and hope and promise of accomplishment and opportunity…and with whom I was overjoyed to reconnect. NYC always brings on a rush of feeling, having been to school there, performed there, dreamed there…again a longed-for reconnect with feelings – and belief! – of hope and promise. And the Woods Estate, just up the road from the house where I grew up, where I am joyously drawn toward and hug and thank my favorite tree and where, each time I go, I find myself kneeling and recommitting to an oath and a promise to live my destiny. Yes, place is a powerful thing.
• It is possible – and of great benefit! – to dissolve into grains of sand. My parents afforded us the opportunity to stay on the beach in CT for a number of days. I am so soothed and opened up by the ocean…by its chaos within patterns/patterns within chaos. I would take out my journal and my mat and sit under the umbrella. Sometimes I would write, sometimes I would kayak, often I would float on tubes with Max and/or Tess or my sister, Susan, for long periods of time, talking, straying and returning, laughing, connecting, moving with the shifting tide…sometimes I would drag a net with Max and a cousin, finding and examining treasures and then returning them to the sea…often I would just gaze and listen and look and dream toward my bright, unlimited, beckoning future. On one particular late afternoon/evening, I was drawn to just lie face-down in the sand and dissolve into the most relaxed state I have experienced certainly lately and perhaps ever – a longed-for and joyously-accepted experience! – as I became one with all around me and was lovingly embraced and cradled…and then released to journey forth…surprised to find that I had a physical body that was a joined collection of vibrating cells that moved and communicated with other physical bodies through words!
• Hawks and their magical, powerful presence are everywhere! I spent much of the late spring and summer before I left first watching and listening to the adult hawks in the trees in the park beyond my back gate, while waiting for a glimpse of the young fledglings up high in the nest, then, later, joyously watching, up close, the newly able to fly babies playing and pouncing and fearlessly flying and setting down just a few feet from me on the ground or in the low branches of trees, grateful for their presence…a presence that again reconnects me with dreams and belief of instinctive, known power and grace and possibilities. On our journey, they were often circling above us on the highway, at the tree line. When we returned to ABQ, we immediately heard several of them and Max and I were able to spy one flying out of a tree in our yard. We felt welcomed and acknowledged…surprisingly, though, in the days since our return, I have neither seen nor heard a one!
• If one is lucky and perseverant, there is so much choice available to one at 85 years old. My dad has made clear choices, some of which are uncomfortable for my kids and I to observe and come to grips with. Unlike my siblings and their families, who live in Connecticut, each annual visit brings somewhat startling changes home to us. Choices are personal. I said my piece…now I will respect his choices. My kids sometimes struggle to understand them… I am doing my best to help them find the space and compassion and love to accept the choices he has made and is making.
• A few more mundane things: 1) Satellite radio, while great, especially for those traveling solo, can remove all opportunity for game-playing and even deep conversation, so, while we did indulge, we left some space for interaction between us; 2) Favorite songs along the way: “Rather Be,” “Hideaway,” “Latch” and “Girls Chase Boys”; 3) We only saw 3 NM license plates on our trip, in a state other than NM – one in TN on the way out, one in RI and one in OK on the way back – amazing to us!; 4) We collected license plates from all but 7 states: Alaska, Hawaii, North Dakota, South Dakota, Montana, Nevada and Utah; 5) Best/worst name of a restaurant we even gave passing thought to: “Chair Crushers,” an all you can eat buffet in Henryetta, OK – used to be called “Pig Out Palace” (we never went but ended up with a menu they handed us to look at while we were considering staying in that town, and then we didn’t and inadvertently left with the menu!); 6) Weather facts: most humid place in which we spent time = Hilton Head, SC, w/ 97% humidity and not raining (my kids actually got a bit sick from this); Highest temp = 99 degrees through part of OK, each way – what a temperate summer in many places!; 7) We only saw the remnant of one minor accident on a highway entrance ramp throughout the entire 5,517 miles – we were safe!; 8) Hotel reviews on Trip Advisor were accurate – best thing in the world when you are traveling without a clear plan of how far you might get and where you might stop is to be able to search hotels and call and check availability and say you are close and on your way. (Thank you, Max!)
I’m guessing that the kids will look back on this as one of the trips of their lifetime…I know I will. For now, on to new adventures, learning and being. Next year, Europe!